How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
