guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
