I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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