my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
