I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
