I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
