so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
