We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
