sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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