i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
