Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
