she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
