The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
