I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
