So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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