I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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