I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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