worst night to have a conscience
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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