This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
