So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
