Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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