We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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