for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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