Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
