dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
