im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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