remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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