Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
