There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
