I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
