why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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