Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we're making bets on your personal life
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
