im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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