Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
