got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm at about main and main street
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
