I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
