I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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