There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
