I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
