I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
