eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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