So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
