He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He did a backflip because drugs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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