Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you inspire me to be a worse person
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
