I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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