How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
