I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize