I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
