don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
