Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
