so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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