I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
