do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
