You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
