Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
