Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
