I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
