My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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