Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
