Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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