i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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