I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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