I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
