Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
