The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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